The Uninvited Guest: How to Have an Unplugged Christmas

✨ At a Glance

Here is what is inside this week's edition:

• The Problem: We invite our families to Christmas dinner, but we also bring an "Uninvited Guest"—our smartphone.
• The Science: Why "willpower" fails against the "slot machine" in your pocket (Intermittent Reinforcement).
• The Story: My personal battle with the Apple Watch and why I went analog.
• The Practice: How to use "The Phone Basket" and the "Triple Win Routine" to reclaim your attention this holiday.

🧠 The Elite Idea

The Slot Machine in Your Pocket

Why is it so hard to just "put the phone away" for Christmas dinner? Why do we check it even when it hasn't buzzed?

It isn't because you are weak. It’s because you are fighting against biology.

In psychology, this is called Intermittent Reinforcement.

Think of a slot machine. If you pulled the lever and won $10 every single time, you would eventually get bored. Predictability kills interest. But if you pull the lever and sometimes you get nothing, sometimes you get a boring email, and once in a blue moon you get a funny text (a dopamine hit)... you become addicted to the pull.

Your brain creates a loop: “Maybe this time there is a reward.”

This is why willpower doesn't work at the Christmas table. You cannot just "decide" to stop playing the slot machine if it sits right next to your fork. To break the loop, you don't need more willpower; you need Friction.

🔍 Inside My Mind

Confession: I strapped a distraction machine to my wrist.

I am not preaching from a mountain top; I am down in the trenches with you.

A few years ago, I wore an Apple Watch every single day. At first, I felt so productive. I could see who was calling and track my steps without reaching for my phone.

But I didn't realize what I was actually doing. I was strapping a distraction machine to my body.

Every buzz was a demand for my attention. Even when it wasn't buzzing, I found myself waiting for it to buzz. I had trained myself to be hyper-reactive. It wasn't until I switched back to a regular, analog watch that I realized how much anxiety that little device was creating.

That is what happens at Christmas. We are physically present, but neurologically, we are waiting for the notification. We become Pavlov’s dogs, salivating at the sound of a digital chime.

To lead my community, I had to learn to detach. And it started with a simple, cheap analog alarm clock.

🧬 Integrate It

The "Phone Basket" & The Triple Win

This Christmas, I am challenging you to break the digital leash. Here is the brain-based strategy to do it.

Level 1: The Sanctuary (The Replacement Habit) To stop scrolling in bed (and waking up reactive), you need to remove the phone from the bedroom. But what do you do with those racing thoughts?

Use the Triple Win Routine:

1. Buy an analog alarm clock. Charge your phone in another room.
2. The PM Brain Dump: Place a notebook by your bed. Write down every worry or to-do item. This "offloads" the cognitive load so your brain allows you to sleep.
3. The AM Top 2: Before you leave the bedroom, write down the Top 2 things you want to accomplish. This primes you to be Proactive, not Reactive.

Level 2: The Christmas Leader (The Phone Basket) We complain that family is on their phones, but we rarely set the standard. Be the leader this year.

1. Bring a basket to Christmas Eve dinner.
2. The Ask: Ask everyone to silence their phones and drop them in the basket. Move the basket to another room.
3. The Replacement: Nature abhors a vacuum. Have an analog activity ready so it doesn't get awkward.
   • Idea: Old photo albums (bad 90s haircuts always spark joy).
   • Idea: Sticky note "Who am I?" game.

When you feel the urge to check your phone (the "Phantom Buzz"), use Urge Surfing. Acknowledge the wave of anxiety, wait 90 seconds, and watch it fade away.

Give your family the only gift that actually matters this year: Your attention.

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✨ I help business leaders and entrepreneurs design success that feels as good as it looks.

Through my 5-Pillars ELITE Mind Framework, you’ll master the neuroscience of success — learning to reprogram the thought–emotion–action patterns that shape your results, so your mind works for you, not against you. You’ll:

– Master calm focus under pressure.

– Set and protect boundaries that preserve your energy.

– Build unshakable confidence and courage.

– Work smarter — creating more impact with less effort.

The result: a career that fuels your dream life — not one you need to retire from to finally enjoy.

Interested in taking a first step?

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Not ready for a call? I get it.... Take my Elite Mind Assessment to uncover what’s holding you back from elite-level clarity and performance (and get tips on how to overcome your blockers). ​CLICK HERE TO START ASSESSMENT​ (it takes ~5 minutes).

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Thank you for reading!

Dorota 🖤

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