The "Martyr's Tragedy" & The Art of Healthy Selfishness

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✨ At a Glance:

• The Post-Holiday Scan: Why high achievers often feel biologically "fried" right now.
• The Science: Neural regression and why you revert to old family roles.
• The Metaphor: Are you walking around with a "Projector" on your forehead?
• The Strategy: How to use "Healthy Selfishness" to save your energy for the New Year.

🧠 The Elite Idea

The Martyr’s Tragedy

It’s the Saturday after Christmas. I want you to do a quick body scan. Is your chest tight? Is your breath shallow? Are you basking in the glow of memories, or are you secretly relieved it’s over?

If you feel like you just lost an endurance sport, it’s not your fault. It’s biology.

The holidays are a perfect storm for the brain. We crave autonomy, but family gatherings are often defined by obligation. When you walked into your family home this week, your brain likely underwent regression. You reverted to old neural pathways. You stopped being the CEO or the leader you are at work, and your amygdala—the threat detector—started scanning for disapproval like you were a child again.

But the biggest thief of your energy this past week was likely The Projector.

Imagine you have a movie projector strapped to your forehead. You project your own movie of what a "Good Christmas" looks like onto everyone else. You assume they want the 12-course meal. You assume they demand perfection.

This leads to the Martyr’s Tragedy: You suffer to create "magic" that nobody actually asked for.

I know a high performer—let's call her Anna. Every year, she cooked for three days straight. She was exhausted and snappy, assuming this was her duty. One year, she finally snapped. The room went silent until someone admitted, "Anna... we never really liked that dish. We just eat it because you make it. We’d honestly prefer sandwiches if it meant you weren’t so stressed."

That is the tragedy. You cannot co-regulate others—you cannot help them feel calm—if your own nervous system is fried.

The Lesson: Assuming is the enemy of rest. As we head toward New Year's, drop the assumptions.

🔍 Inside My Mind

How I Hack My Dopamine (and Survive the Season)

I used to be like Anna. I realized that if I wanted to survive the holidays and enter the New Year with momentum, I had to define what I actually enjoy. I had to practice "Healthy Selfishness."

Here is exactly how I navigated this week to protect my biology:

• The Flow State: I spent hours decorating my tree. To some, that looks like work. To me, it is active meditation. I protected that time fiercely because it puts me in flow.
• The Gut-Brain Axis: I did not overeat. I know the holidays are about food, but I also know that if I stuff myself, my energy crashes and my brain gets foggy. I ate enough to taste the joy, but not enough to slip into a food coma.
• The Pattern Interrupt: My secret weapon is a 2,000-piece puzzle. Sitting down with a puzzle forces my brain to slow down. It’s a pattern interrupt from the chaos.

By doing what filled me up, I was a better human for everyone around me. I put my own oxygen mask on first.

🧬 Integrate It

The "Oxygen Mask" Protocol for the New Year

We are not going to let the end of the year just "happen" to us. We are going to take the lessons from this week and apply them to the New Year.

Here is your brain-based toolkit for the transition into January:

1. The Post-Game Inquiry (Stop Mind-Reading) Don't be Anna. Before you plan your New Year's Eve or your 2025 family goals, replace assumption with inquiry.

• The Practice: Ask your family one question this weekend: "What is one holiday tradition we did this week that you secretly hate? And what is one you actually loved?"
• The answer might save you 10 hours of work next year.

2. Vocalize Your Needs (The Leadership Move) People cannot respect boundaries they don’t know exist.

• The Practice: If you need to rest today, say it. "I am going to spend three hours reading/doing a puzzle because it helps me reset for the New Year. Please don't disturb me." That isn’t being mean. That is being a leader.

3. The Pleasure Audit Look at the last few days. Circle the things that actually gave you joy (like my tree decorating). Keep those. Negotiate or delete the rest for next time.

The Challenge: Identify one obligation that drained you this week. Promise yourself now that you will negotiate it down next year. Protect your energy like it’s your bank account. Because it is.

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✨ I help business leaders and entrepreneurs design success that feels as good as it looks.

Through my 5-Pillars ELITE Mind Framework, you’ll master the neuroscience of success — learning to reprogram the thought–emotion–action patterns that shape your results, so your mind works for you, not against you. You’ll:

– Master calm focus under pressure.

– Set and protect boundaries that preserve your energy.

– Build unshakable confidence and courage.

– Work smarter — creating more impact with less effort.

The result: a career that fuels your dream life — not one you need to retire from to finally enjoy.

Interested in taking a first step?

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Not ready for a call? I get it.... Take my Elite Mind Assessment to uncover what’s holding you back from elite-level clarity and performance (and get tips on how to overcome your blockers). ​CLICK HERE TO START ASSESSMENT​ (it takes ~5 minutes).

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Thank you for reading!

Dorota 🖤

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